Trauma

Similar to the page on Disability, this page exists to share my experiences in the hope of helping and healing.

The experiences mentioned relate to trauma around neglect, queerness, and autism.

Adolescent Safety

It never felt like I was invited into my parents‘ home in the first place.

They made it clear I wasn‘t welcome – they said the words. I was the result of an accidental and unwanted pregnancy, but it followed an earlier miscarriage and what-the-fuck-ever.

I wasn‘t meant to hear that. But it wasn‘t a quiet conversation. I just wasn't meant to be there. In their home.

And staying there had more conditions than I could count.

Home is where you can let your guard down and rest. So what happens to a person who is entirely denied a home?

If I was wrong at home, I would be made to leave. If I was wrong at church or at school I would be made to leave. And I was always wrong.

It took a long time for me to realize that some of my wrongness was autism and some of it was queerness. I was masking my autism as hard as I could and it wasn’t doing much of anything in these regards. I didn’t realize that my queerness was endangering me.

Invalidating Thoughts

I couldn‘t possibly be persecuted, I pass so much better than everyone else.

ASD-1 Experiences

People ask, “where did you grow up”, and you say something interpreted as evasive like, “oh all over,” because you want to be honest but when you’ve tried giving a real answer before people told you it was more than what they were looking for.